we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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