Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
