brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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