the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
