My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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