wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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