They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
