you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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