youre lurking in front of me
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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