life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
