I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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