I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
