I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
