im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
