i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We have so much sex to catch up on
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
