It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
