I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
