already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
