3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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