I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
