it's great music for shaving your balls
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
