Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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