Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
