I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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