Life is so much better after having sex.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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