nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize