i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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