Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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