I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
