I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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