This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
How's work?
Spinning.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
