No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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