You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
