I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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