theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
