You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
