I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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