We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize