Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize