Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
