I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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