last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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