There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
