Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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