somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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