So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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