I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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