they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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