i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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