y did u give ur computer a hand job?
id be glad to
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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