and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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