I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
