Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
