Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize