so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
