dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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