The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
