how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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