Kiss
Puke
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
