When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
