I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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