Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize