So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
