everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
