Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
