can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
