How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
